A while back Scott's birth mom asked if we would like her to write a letter about a birth mother's perspective on placing a child for adoption so we could add it to our blog. We said of course, we would love it. The following is her letter. It describes all the emotions she felt then and now after deciding adoption was the best thing for her child....
Well, I was 17, still in high school, and already had a baby girl. It was a struggle living at home with my parents with my baby receiving welfare. When I found out that I was pregnant again I was surprised and happy and somehow I already knew I was, I just needed a doctor to tell me for sure. When I found out for sure, I was asked if I would have an abortion. My response was ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I was carrying and innocent baby and it shouldn't be punished for something that happened. I knew there were a lot of parents out there that couldn't have their own baby and I wanted to give someone the joy of having a baby. During my pregnancy I did a lot of thinking about the baby and how much I wanted to keep it. I would rub my tummy and talk to my stomach and would tell the baby how much I loved it. My case worker suggested that I write the baby a letter explaining my decision, one for a boy, and one for a girl, so we sat down and wrote. "Hello, My name is Linda Wilken and I'm your mom. I want you to know why I made this decision. It's not that I don't love you, I do love you very much and that's why I did this. I didn't want to raise 2 children on welfare. I want you to have both a mom and a dad, something I can't give you. I want you to have a better life than I can give and I hope you don't hate me for doing what I had to do." Then the day my baby came, I was spotting and had been all day. I didn't know the sex of the baby till he was born. I finally made it to the hospital at 4 p.m and at 4:25 p.m, my son was born, 6lbs 1oz and 17 inches long. He had all his fingers and toes. He was the first son, grandson, and great-grandson in our family. He was also born on his grandpa's birthday and he was so special. A few hours after I had the baby the nurse asked if I wanted to hold the baby and without hesitation I said yes. They took me to the nursery and haded him to my, they gave me a bottle and we sat for over an hour. I looked at his face, held his little hand, and talked to him. I told him how much I loved him and I wanted so much to keep him, but I knew I couldn't. I traced his little face so I would remember every part. I burped him and hugged him so tight. I didn't want to let him go. I hoped he wouldn't hate me. The next day my case worker came and gave me the papers to sign . She also said if the father wanted him, he had 5 days to come and claim him. She also said that I could change my mind. I almost did. The day came for me to leave the hospital. I asked the nurses if I could take a picture, they let me, crying the whole time. I turned and left, never to see him again. They next few months were hard, very hard. I cried almost daily because I missed him so much. When I found out that they found him a family, I wondered about him. I wondered if he was being well cared for, if they were treating him well. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think of him. Every time I got a letter or pictures I was so happy. I lived for those pictures and they made me cry. I hoped one day he would try to find me and I wanted to be a part of his life. Then came the day when I met his adopted mother, and then him. I was so happy and excited, I couldn't wait. When he hugged me for the first time, it was like a dream come true, I had waited for that moment all my life. Getting pictures of him all those years I knew I had done the right thing. He had things I couldn't give him, gone places I couldn't take him. Today, I love him so much and I'm so thankful I am a part of his life. I only hope he feels the same way....
We are also very thankful to have Scott's birth mother and her family in our lives. We hope that this letter gives all of you a little incite on what goes on inside a birth mom when she decides that adoption is the best choice..
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